If you've ever experienced long-term pain, you know what I'm about to say.

Back in 2000, I experienced the most grueling and agonizing pain in my life. I'd injured my low back but not unlike I'd done in the past.

I did some heavy leg presses and tweaked my lower back. No biggie, right?

Well, it got worse and worse to the point where I could not sleep. I could not walk without pain. Sitting was a literal pain in the ass.

I'd herniated a disc. I tried lots of things over the course of 8 months. I got to the point where I was seriously considering having it removed.

I didn't. It resolved itself, with a little help from various medications, therapies, and exercises.

BUT during this whole escapade of pain and misery, I just wanted it to STOP.

I wanted to be comfortably numb. You know what?

I was.

(Be careful what you ask for…)

Vicodin and not giving a shit really sent me in a tailspin. I didn't want to thrive. Hell, I didn't want to live if this was what my life was going to be to the end.

Now, I didn't think “the end” would come in the short term. I've never considered suicide, but I certainly can understand why one would give it some serious thought and possibly even carry it through to the ultimate completion.

That's not the course I chose. Pain-numbing medication kills your zest. It made me stupid. I didn't care about anything.

Hell, it didn't even numb the pain. It just made it less. So instead of being a 9 or 10 it was an 8. Big whup.

It DID numb my brain. My passion. My emotions.

I will tell you this: Being numb (in the brain) is FAR WORSE than being in pain.

I hated it. I quit. Cold turkey. Never having been addicted to drugs, I didn't know how it felt. But now I do! It's not fun. I wanted off the meds! I wanted to stop feeling numb and in pain simultaneously.

My head spun for about three weeks. I was in a haze the whole time. It finally subsided.

And the weird thing? My pain almost disappeared.

I'm not saying the medication was causing the pain. Not at all. It was a mere coincidence…maybe?

I had been going through some self-treatment (because chiro and PT hadn't helped much), mainly hanging upside down on an inversion table.

That relieved the pressure on the disc and allowed it to heal.

Long story short: Pain sucks. Being numb sucks more.

PS–You can be in pain emotionally, too. Emotional pain and physical pain pretty much are the same thing to your brain. It reacts similarly. But numbing yourself emotionally is far worse than the emotional pain you may experience.

Maybe it's just me. YMMV.